Commentary: Hell breaks loose when the honeymoon ends

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Dr Neals J. Chitan holds a doctorate in Social and Behavioral Sciences and is the Grenadian-born president of Motiv-8 For Change International -- a Toronto based High Impact Social Skill Agency that is specially dedicated to the social empowerment of individuals, families and communities. He can be reached regionally at 869-662-3606 and from North America 647-692-6330 or email: nealschitan@motiv-8.org

By Dr Neals J. Chitan

Despite the exuberance, glamour, precision and sophistication of the wedding day, as far as the couple is concerned, the honeymoon is the crescendo of the whole marriage experience. It’s the time devoted to spending quality moments together celebrating the journey through dating, courting and planning, while intimately demonstrating the bliss of the wedding vows through a profound sexual, emotional and psychological connection.

Strolling the pristine beaches of Caribbean destinations, dining to the exquisite tasting menus of fine restaurants and making love in the five-star staterooms of fabulous beach resorts and hotels, they reach the mountain top exuberance of total enjoyment and pleasure, a state in which they wish they can remain forever.

However, reality kicks in so much sooner than later as the beaches, restaurants and staterooms fade in the distance and the descent back into mundane and uninspired routines begins. Quickly the recent heavenly mountain-top experience becomes only a memory and is replaced by a boring hellish existence, as life returns to mere daily routines and uncreative processes.

However true and frequent this narrative may be in the marriage experience, it is even more rampant and of epidemic proportion in the professional world. And by the way, being blessed with the opportunity to have worked in Canada, USA, Africa, England and across the Caribbean, I see the profound negative impact of this sordid situation on our societies.

I have seen seemingly bright and intelligent professionals who went through the rigorous processes from planning, studying and graduating to the mountain-top exuberance of landing that perfect job, with time, reduced to mere unimaginative human robots. Just concerned about staying employed to pay the mortgage or making the car payment, the honeymoon is over, and they just follow daily routines to ensure they can pay their bills, despite the hellish impact it may have on those they regularly deal with.

If the truth be told, I have seen it from the classroom to the courtroom, and all in between! A generation of professionals who expect creativity, imagination, time management and good work ethic from their subordinates but who cannot at least model it! For such, the honeymoon is over, they have climbed to the mountain top, gotten the position they have aspired to and plateaued out without leaving any footprints on the sand for the children, youth and adults under their care to follow, and leaving them totally uninspired and unchallenged to rise any higher.

Since the classroom is a place where I do most of my inspirational and social concept developing work, I pay close attention there. I have heard the cries and laments of trained teachers who feel frustrated and totally incapable but who are not willing to go an extra inch to think of or create some simple method to inspire and motivate challenging students under their care. The honeymoon is over, and they settle into regular daily routines despite the knowledge they acquired during their teachers’ training, just ready to label and profile children to be passed on to someone else for discipline, diagnosis and prescription.

I have seen it also in law enforcement where police officers who have climbed the ranks and enjoyed the mountain top experience of achievement have plateaued out, also becoming so routine oriented and regimented that they are incapable of using initiative and creating a quick and relevant approach to a situation instead of throwing the book at it. The honeymoon is over, and creativity, imagination and relevance are given death sentences while our socially challenged children, youth and adults hunger for a touch of inspiration from these guardians of society.

This plateauing syndrome I have seen in almost every walk of life and it’s becoming worse as our 21st century post-modern multi-tasking millennials who were trained and socialized by such professionals take the reins over to run our societies. We are training upcoming professionals to strictly adhere to routines and manipulate concepts that are designed for the majority. But now, with our vast fluidity of human categorization, we are creating what seem to be more specialized and unique issues that may not fit within these routines and concepts.

What we need in the 21st century are professionals who instead of plateauing out to regular routines and job descriptions, can tap into their creativity, imaginations and professional training to bring relevant and heart throbbing initiatives to their jobs, clients, subordinates and colleagues. This will not only bring hope, inspiration and challenge to those that need it badly, but will ignite a powerful energy within that will keep the love and honeymoon going on their jobs.

I have seen drastic change in the lives of challenging and rebellious young men and women who needed a softer and more tender approach. Whose lives took a better path just by us listening, empathizing and helping them navigate around the web of social dysfunctions that have created their behaviour. That change sends a neuro-electric spark in my brain as the change maker and keeps me climbing, while also keeping the honeymoon feeling going constantly.

I dare say here that I personally believe that it is the depleted honeymoon feeling for their jobs which renders most professionals mere routine operators, thus creating the criminal profiling, unfair categorizing, quick incorrect diagnosis and eventual hell to promising young men and women. I fully believe that with care, creativity and inspiration they could have been instead changed into strong assets and mentors for our communities.

It is for real, “Hell does break loose when the honeymoon ends!”

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