Letter: If Andy Borowitz were a Vincentian, he could well be in the pokey

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Dear Sir:

Andy Borowitz writes for the online edition of The New Yorker magazine. Read one of his columns below (they are all like this one) and tell me what you think would become of him with the tentacles of the Cybercrime Bill, if, with a Vincentian passport around his neck, still living in the US, instead of “Trump” he wrote this way about you know who.

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Paul Manafort is a real person. At the time he was Trump’s campaign manager but is now its chairman. Can you imagine what would become of a Vincentian Borowitz, a second time, if, instead of “Paul Manafort,” he wrote this way about Manfort’s Vincentian equivalent. Oy vey.

The column below followed The Donald’s wife plagiarizing Michelle Obama but said she did not. Then, well maybe; then perhaps a little bit; then, well, yes, she did. Then admitted, much to Donald J’s chagrin, that she was a Michelle fan. In between all of that and having said that she wrote her own speech, as the truth of the plagiarizing started to unfold, Trump’s team switched the blame on a speech writer. The wife lied.

This is The New Yorker column.
 

BOROWITZ REPORT
TRUMP SUCCEEDS IN
DELIVERING SPEECH NO ONE
WILL WANT TO PLAGIARIZE

By Andy Borowitz , JULY 22, 2016

CLEVELAND (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was jubilant Thursday night after accomplishing his goal of delivering a speech that no one will ever want to plagiarize, Trump aides confirmed.

According to his staff, Trump and his speechwriters had been working overtime during the week to create a tirade that was sufficiently bloated, unhinged, and terrifying to discourage potential plagiarists from reusing excerpts in the future.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s campaign manager, said that, right until the hour the candidate took the stage, the billionaire’s writing team was scrubbing the speech of any marginally coherent passages that might prove tempting to plagiarists.

“There was one sentence toward the beginning that had traces of humanity and rational thought,” Manafort said. “Fortunately, we caught it in time.”

Watching from backstage on Thursday night, Manafort and the speechwriters erupted into a flurry of high-fives when it became clear that the speech was the rambling, demented mess they had worked so hard to create. “From the moment Mr. Trump started shrieking and his entire head turned red, we knew we had nailed it,” he said.

Harland Dorrinson, a leading plagiarism expert, shared the campaign’s assessment that the final draft of Trump’s seventy-minute rant was too repellent to entice even the least discerning plagiarist.

“I can’t see anyone lifting anything from that speech unless he wanted to sound totally batshit crazy,” he said.

Patrick Ferrari

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