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Commentary: Domestic violence/abuse: Shouldn't women share a mini-portion of the blame?
Published on April 12, 2017Email To Friend    Print Version

By Nimi Princewill

It's all our prayers that men who are domestic abusers "burn in hell and rot away in agony!"

Oh yeah, I totally do agree with the vengeful prayer request, but hit the brakes for a moment... I think there's probably another way to look at it.

Nimi Princewill is a Nigerian creative writer, poet and social reformer. He's very passionate about the reformation and development of Africa. He is most notable for his controversial opinion on issues that cut across religion, sports, social lifestyle and politics. Email: Twitter: @princewill_nimi
With the flourishing rate of domestic violence in almost all metropolitan and rural societies, I got deeply and quite adventurously curious to look up its major causes. Well, as anticipated, I was certainly left puzzled!

Among the numerous causes of domestic violence I was fortunate to have ransacked out of curiosity, which by the way, include:

Psychological disorder (occasioned by the background of the abuser), domineering/possessive habits, severe jealousy, inferiority complex (that's in the case the man is less successful than his partner) and a couple others; extreme provocation and downgrading of a man's ego/personality, amazingly didn't make the cut!

Now I ask:

• Who cares to ask a man what prompted the attack on his partner? No one cares... He hit the 'poor woman', so he deserves a lethal injection!

• Who cares to know if a man takes a blow to his ego every day, constantly suffering verbal abuse, extreme humiliation and public disrespect from his partner?

• Who cares to know if a man's age-long career dream has been shattered by his partner, who uses falsehood and blackmail as a tool in scoring cheap points after a petty quarrel?

• Who bothers to inquire if the woman is also a domestic abuser of her own, who hits, spits, bites, throws things, or destroys property?

Can't the men in some way, be perceived as victims as well?

While we wholeheartedly and uniformly condemn domestic abusers, who resort to violent expressions of anger and other forms of emotional/psychological abuse against women, shouldn't we try to inquire and likewise apportion little trickles of blame, to some of the women who treat their partners in astonishingly horrible ways, thereby ironically contributing to domestic violence/abuse?

I strongly believe, women shouldn't be immune from criticism.

It is extremely condemnable and cowardly of a man to attack a woman. In the same vein, I also believe it is wayward and irresponsible of a woman to leverage on that fact, to continuously inflict emotional trauma on a man, with the assurance that "no behaviour on the part of a woman, can justify a violent response from a man." Men are human too...

Even Jesus, drove rogue traders away from the temple with a whip. If we do the math right, some of them were possibly women!
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Mickel Allen:

I read this article several times and wondered if this was intended as a satirical piece of some sort...

While we are all entitled to our opinions I was disgusted by the tone of this piece which seemed to be one of sarcasm and humour even; as if to say aha! If a female counterpart of any man does something reproachable his reaction aught not be limited to verbal banter or retort but by all means is justifiable to use might to inflict pain…

Victim blaming is exactly why many victims have remained silent for so long. Strategic ignorance on the part of the man is more tolerable than such brazen--to validate abuse of any sort is incorrect especially between two adults. It speaks to a lack of self-control and self-regulation and should never be justified.

Presentations of abuse are quickly becoming more brutal and gruesome so much so that many result in fatality- either immediately or down the line due to complications. What happens when the abuser becomes so enraged and loses it: severed heads and dismemberment etc.?

Domestic violence is wrong on all levels and it is blaringly obvious that more violence prevention programs and education is necessary. As contextualised above the thought pattern projected seems to be the common, but false belief that men have a right to control women, even violently. This is not only wrong, it’s against the law

What a sad world we live in; very sad


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