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Letter: Allen Chastanet always gets what he wants
Published on February 14, 2014 Email To Friend    Print Version

Dear Sir:

I was on my way to Anse La Raye on Wednesday morning when I heard Claudius Francis, the most unusual president of St Lucia's Senate, reading out loud over the radio a letter which he claimed was penned by Allen Chastanet to Arsene James the Member of Parliament for Micoud South.

I have to admit that I am a regular listener to Claudius' radio show, not because he is fair and balanced but because I am always amused at the amount of poison arrows he shoots at non-supporters of his SLP government.

Talk about a real life political assassin? Well, this man is among the best!

He got his training from the St Lucia Labour Party school of smack down, which spews out propaganda and garbage as if it were the rectum of a severely diarrheal mongoose. If you dare oppose them, they will go not just after you, but after your mother, your father, your children, and even your dog. This is why these days I have decided to keep Bosco, my little Chihuahua, well secured on a leash in the backyard, for fear that they don't crush him, like Allen's gang of liars who crushed Stephenson King.

Now we are through drinking the coconut water, why don't we begin feasting on the jelly, which is the letter Claudius Francis claimed was written by Allen Chastanet to Arsene James. You know, I still have a hard time believing Claudius Francis, but if Allen Chastanet wrote this letter for real, I have to say -- mate not right in his head at all!

Mussolini and Joseph Stalin had a way of imposing themselves on others in a brute fashion to get what they wanted, and it looks like Allen Chastanet is following right in their footsteps. His half European blood cousin, Kenny Davis Bernard Anthony, must be laughing his arse off in a big rocking chair thinking of how Allen's ancestry failed to instruct him that you do not run a colony by adopting the styles of Mussolini and Stalin. You have to be a smooth talker like Kenny, and know how to tell all the descendents of African slaves exactly what they what to hear. And if you see they double-cross you, and question your leadership, that's when you turn on them like a colonist with a ‘Lolo Bef’ (Bull Pisel).You must never use the ‘Lolo Bef’ first, before giving them a chance to fall in line.

This now brings me to a true interpretation of the fiasco letter which Claudius Francis claimed was written by Allen Chastanet!

Dear potential moose boy:

I am writing to seek your support as the new ‘Massa’ of the house that Sir John Compton built.

I have learned my lesson from the last election, and don't think I have the balls to run in Soufriere again. You know I spent a lot of money on trying to win that seat, and came way short of my goal of defeating “Mugabe” Harold Dalsan -- they just love the SLP in that little canyon filled with raw sulphur!

Any, let's cut to the chase because I desperately need a seat right now!

You have been the district representative for Micoud South since 1997 and have done a very lousy job. Let's face it, Mr James, you are an incompetent ‘moron’ with no big ideas on how to develop Micoud South, a treasure house of UWP votes.

Please gather your brothers and your entire family for a personal meeting with me. I am on my way from Soufriere to Micoud South right now, to wrestle the seat from your feeble hands.

Please don't let me have to say this to you again!

Yours sincerely,

Allen "Massa" Chastanet

Tori Fatal

Reads: 14802

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